Family is the Most Important Asset

There is so much hate, dysfunction, and evilness in this world. It would seem to me that the only security we have is in each other; however, too often the people we love the most, we also hurt the most due to our own imbalanced dysfunction. Why do we do this? We need eachother--we need family, we need best friends, we need vulnerability, we need emotions, we need spiritual guides, beacons, to direct our feet onto the healthiest path in the midst of chaos.

That is why I have decided I like children--or rather, Lucas. His utter simplistic nature, the beauty in his smile toward perfect strangers, his free-loving and free-giving spirit. You can swoop up little Lucas and his smile can shatter any shred of coldness within my heart, and bring out the rainbow of emotions in my soul. It is a beautiful thing to see his still-unsure legs toddle him around, his wee finger point at something, and his baby voice try to tell you something. He reminds me of a little Homer Simpson when he says, "D'oh!" repeatedly.

How did we ("we" as in the sense of the whole of humanity, and yes, sometimes myself) become the people we are? Bitter and jaded at times, stressed out, unhealthy, lonely, guarded with walls fifty feet thick around our hearts, and yes, self-destructive on too many occasions, blowing up safeguards meant to help, not to harm.

Fortunately, our family and extended family is amazing, considering all the bad things around us. Being here on a hippy island with crazy people has made me see the beauty in family, and the need for family. I could use an unconditional hug right now, an affirming pat on the head, a stroke on the back, and someone saying how much they love me. I know my family does love me, but the closest ones are oh, 7.5 hours away, IF the ferry isn't late and IF the ferry doesn't stop at two islands. Then it would be over 8 hours.

We have had such good times together. I recently found this picture of Rachel and I from back in the year 2000. My, how life has deviated from our original idyllic plans! I have decided not to regret my past, but to embrace it and consciously let it change me into a better person. But this picture, this picture makes me smile. Pre-marriage, pre-children, pre-life's garbage for me.

Now I sit in my living room, a storm raging outside, the rain pouring, the wind smashing, and the fish in the tank are staring at me begging for food. It is lonely here, but it is also good to explore myself and figure somethings out on my own.

But family is the most important asset I will ever have in my life, and today this thought is like a warm flame keeping my heart from joining the storm outside.

I love all of you so terribly much, and I cannot wait for Thanksgiving to roll around so I can be wrapped up in our family warmth of goodness towards one another.

L'Chaim! To Life!
Jen